Is Facebook on Zoloft?

There is no "dislike" button on Facebook. For those of you unaware of the current phenomenon on Facebook, people are able to "like" or comment on your status to their heart's content. However, Facebook has decided to take the warm and fuzzy, i-used-to-smoke-3-bowls-a-day-and-now-i-teach-preschool approach to this new development. "Disliking" people's statuses is not an option. After all, that would breed poor self-esteem and self-worth, and little Timmy or Tammy wouldn't be asked to play dodgeball or princesses or dodging princesses at school.

However I have my own issue with this. Instead of people "disliking" my heartfelt Jonas Bros inspired status by pushing a simple button, they have to TELL me about it. They have to physically compute words about how they hate my status and think that Kevin is totally cute not Joe. I would much rather have the option to hit dislike. It's like ripping off a bandaid! Just DO IT! Don't raise my expectations by telling me Suzie commented on my status, then make me go through the painful Wellesley internet connection only to find that Suzie wrote explatives/Miley Cyrus lyrics all over my status! Come on Zuckerberg!

Still there is something even worse occuring these days. There are people who "like" awful statuses. For example: 

~"My dog just died" LIKE!

~"I'm busy vomiting on my emotional rollercoaster" LIKE!

~"I think I'm preggers :(" LOVE THAT!

OPRAH! Get out of here! Go yell at James Fray. Again. Hell hath no fury like a yo-yo dieting media titan scorned.

Anywho: How come facebook welcomes my 96 year old great grandmother and my polygamist second cousins, but can't put up with a little negativity? I find it especially awful since I don't have a 96 year old great grandmother and...uh...well the polygamist cousins are...

Hold up. FBI's here.

UPDATE: 

To Thaddeus, Susan, Becky and Barb: 

If you're reading this...RUN!

But don't worry. If you write about this on your FB status, I'll "like" it!